Sometimes I'm singing in worship, and I think about exalting God, and lifting Him higher, and I wonder who I am that I could lift Him high. After all, I am so low, how could I actually lift Him higher? He is already so high...
But today I realized something. I haven't made Him as high as He ought to be in my life. God isn't asking us to be great enough to lift Him up through our greatness... He's simply asking us to lift Him up into His proper place in our lives. No matter how low we are, we can lift Him up higher in our lives, in our mindsets, and fully recognize how important He is to us and those around us. We can have more trust in Him each day, more hope in Him, more love for Him. We can give up control of our lives to Him... as we ought to have done already. This is how we lift Him higher, and no one is so low that they can't do this, no one is disqualified from, or unable to lift Jesus higher. It doesn't depend on our greatness, it recognizes His.
God is big enough, and great enough, that He doesn't need us to make Him greater than He actually is. But when we recognize His greatness in our lives, and start living that out, other people will see it and it will inspire others to make Him higher in their own lives as well, and in that sense we are exalting Him in the world around us as well. He has always been great, but in obedience in this way, we can partner with Him in the recognition of that greatness spreading. What we are doing is not making Him greater, but spreading His fame, making His Name more famous. You and I, no matter who we are, no matter what we've done or experienced, can exalt God in the way that He desires us to.
Sunday, November 08, 2015
Sunday, October 11, 2015
Turning the World Upside Down
These days I often see people posting various quotes on social media that are being put forth as wisdom, and they do seem wise at first look. Quotes like:
"Respect yourself enough to walk away from anyone or anything that no longer serves you, grows you or makes you happy."
Under the guise of self-respect, these quotes are encouraging us to love those who give us what we want, and walk away from anyone who doesn't. Now, from the world's viewpoint, that makes sense... why would I waste my time and energy on someone who hurts me, or who ignores me, or who only takes from me? However, digging deeper, this is a very self-focused thought, and misses the bigger picture. Even from a common sense view, if you take this thought to its logical extreme, parents would disown their children, and children their parents... husbands and wives would get divorced for any and every reason... homeless people would be ignored and left without hope on the street... friends would walk away from childhood friendships over silly arguments... in short, each person would only interact with another for what they could receive from them. There would be no love, only gain, in every relationship.
That, unfortunately, sounds a lot like the circumstances we see happening all around us in this world. What we need is not found in getting what we want from people or walking away from them... so that means there must be something else, something better. We need to turn the world upside down, to build relationships on love, rather than gain.
1 Corinthians 3:18 says, "Do not deceive yourselves. If any of you think you are wise by the standards of this age, you should become 'fools' so that you may become wise."
If this 'me-first' psychology, though it feels good in the short term, doesn't work, then what does? If the world's wisdom doesn't even make the world happy, then maybe we should look at God's wisdom.
1 Corinthians 1:25 says, "For the foolishness of God is wiser than human wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than human strength."
So what is God's wisdom? How does he want us to treat others? Since He is worthy of the ultimate respect, did He walk away from anyone who no longer served Him, grew His fame, or made Him happy? Did He leave us to fend for ourselves?
Romans 5:8 says, "But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us."
God didn't focus on what He could get from us in order to build a relationship, He focused on what He could give. Instead of asking us to fix the relationship ourselves, He forgave us, and did what needed to be done to fix the relationship Himself, through unconditional love and sacrifice.
This week, at Emmaus Church, Pastor Kip spoke on how we can keep our happiness through all kinds of problems, and something he said resonates with this topic:
"The reason most people are miserable is because they think happiness comes from self-gratification... but happiness actually comes from self-sacrifice."
So what can we learn from this? Self-respect doesn't come from being respected by others... it's separate from that, and that's why we can have self-respect and still show others forgiveness and work towards reconciliation. To be like Christ means to be willing to be disrespected, mistreated, cursed, persecuted, and return love. Yes, it hurts, but the only way to build a real relationship is to be willing to be that vulnerable. To love first, and longest. To hope beyond hope. To get our self-respect from the value that God put on us when He sacrificed everything for us. To turn the world upside down.
"Respect yourself enough to walk away from anyone or anything that no longer serves you, grows you or makes you happy."
Under the guise of self-respect, these quotes are encouraging us to love those who give us what we want, and walk away from anyone who doesn't. Now, from the world's viewpoint, that makes sense... why would I waste my time and energy on someone who hurts me, or who ignores me, or who only takes from me? However, digging deeper, this is a very self-focused thought, and misses the bigger picture. Even from a common sense view, if you take this thought to its logical extreme, parents would disown their children, and children their parents... husbands and wives would get divorced for any and every reason... homeless people would be ignored and left without hope on the street... friends would walk away from childhood friendships over silly arguments... in short, each person would only interact with another for what they could receive from them. There would be no love, only gain, in every relationship.
That, unfortunately, sounds a lot like the circumstances we see happening all around us in this world. What we need is not found in getting what we want from people or walking away from them... so that means there must be something else, something better. We need to turn the world upside down, to build relationships on love, rather than gain.
1 Corinthians 3:18 says, "Do not deceive yourselves. If any of you think you are wise by the standards of this age, you should become 'fools' so that you may become wise."
If this 'me-first' psychology, though it feels good in the short term, doesn't work, then what does? If the world's wisdom doesn't even make the world happy, then maybe we should look at God's wisdom.
1 Corinthians 1:25 says, "For the foolishness of God is wiser than human wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than human strength."
So what is God's wisdom? How does he want us to treat others? Since He is worthy of the ultimate respect, did He walk away from anyone who no longer served Him, grew His fame, or made Him happy? Did He leave us to fend for ourselves?
Romans 5:8 says, "But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us."
God didn't focus on what He could get from us in order to build a relationship, He focused on what He could give. Instead of asking us to fix the relationship ourselves, He forgave us, and did what needed to be done to fix the relationship Himself, through unconditional love and sacrifice.
This week, at Emmaus Church, Pastor Kip spoke on how we can keep our happiness through all kinds of problems, and something he said resonates with this topic:
"The reason most people are miserable is because they think happiness comes from self-gratification... but happiness actually comes from self-sacrifice."
So what can we learn from this? Self-respect doesn't come from being respected by others... it's separate from that, and that's why we can have self-respect and still show others forgiveness and work towards reconciliation. To be like Christ means to be willing to be disrespected, mistreated, cursed, persecuted, and return love. Yes, it hurts, but the only way to build a real relationship is to be willing to be that vulnerable. To love first, and longest. To hope beyond hope. To get our self-respect from the value that God put on us when He sacrificed everything for us. To turn the world upside down.
Monday, December 21, 2009
"Rebirthing" by Skillet ...and my thoughts on life.
Let me preface this by saying that all lyrics here are as written by the band Skillet, not by me... so if you like them, go buy their CDs... this song is on the CD 'Comatose' if you're wondering which one to buy first. You can also watch the video for this song at their website... www.skillet.com
I lie here paralytic inside this soul
Screaming for You till my throat is numb
I wanna break out, I need a way out
I don't believe that it's gotta be this way
The worst is the waiting, in this womb I'm suffocating
Feel Your presence filling up my lungs with oxygen, I take You in, I've died...
Rebirthing now, I wanna live for love, wanna live for You and me
Breathe for the first time now, I come alive somehow
Rebirthing now, I wanna live my life, wanna give You everything
Breathe for the first time now, I come alive somehow
Right now, right now
I lie here lifeless in this cocoon
Shedding my skin cause I'm ready to
I wanna break out, I found a way out
I don't believe that it's gotta be this way
The worst is the waiting, in this womb I'm suffocating
Feel Your presence filling up my lungs with oxygen, I take You in, I've died...
Rebirthing now, I wanna live for love, wanna live for You and me
Breathe for the first time now, I come alive somehow
Rebirthing now, I wanna live my life, wanna give You everything
Breathe for the first time now, I come alive somehow
Tell me when I'm gonna live again
Tell me when I'm gonna breathe You in
Tell me when I'm gonna feel inside
Tell me when I'm gonna feel alive
Tell me when I'm gonna live again
Tell me when this fear will end
Tell me when I'm gonna feel inside
Tell me when I'll feel alive
Rebirthing now, I wanna live for love, wanna live for You and me
Breathe for the first time, I come alive somehow
Rebirthing now, I wanna live my life, wanna give You everything
Breathe for the first time now, I come alive somehow
Right now, I come alive somehow
Right now, I come alive somehow
For some reason, many of Skillet's songs have always spoken into my life, and my walk with God. I'm not writing this note to say that I'm so great and I have everything figured out... quite the opposite. There have been quite a few times when I've made a mess out of things, and other times when circumstances have done the job quite nicely for me... if I've learned anything from all of it, it's that only God can fix the mess I make of my life.
That's where I'm at right now... finding myself desperately longing for that closeness with God that I have known, and that I know is the only thing that will make sense of my life. He's been getting my attention in many and various ways over the past while, sometimes I've caught on, and sometimes I haven't. Anyway, now that He's got my attention, I know that I have to do something about it.
For me, the last couple months have been like the first verse... knowing something is wrong, yet unable to move, unable to do anything about it, yet screaming out to God for help. No matter what I've tried to feel better, without including God in the picture it would just feel stifling, as though whatever made me myself was suffocating.
However, every time I felt too far gone, as though all of my air was gone, He would breathe some of His life into me once again... and I would take Him in...
I've known the feeling of being unable to breathe before, having had several asthma attacks when I was younger, the last being at the age of 9. Trust me, when you literally can't breathe, and it feels like you will never be able to breathe again, absolutely nothing in the world is more important to you at that moment than fighting for that next breath. All of your effort is spent in that pursuit. You aren't thinking about girls, games, what you're going to eat for dinner... nothing can exist in your mind besides that all-important next breath.
That's the process I've been going through in relation to God. Slowly coming to the realization that absolutely nothing else matters if I can't have Him in my life. I will, and I must, fight for that next breath. I will spend my effort pursuing Him... and yet I know that all this time He's been pursuing me.
That's the beauty of God's love... He pursues us when we couldn't care less, He rescues us when we have no way of saving ourselves, our relationship with Him is just as all-important to Him as it should be to us. I can't force anyone to think any given way, but I must tell you that I have more faith in God than I do in myself... and He believes in me more than I do myself. In Him I can have hope, peace and joy in situations that seem hopeless and stressful and chaotic. Why, you may ask, do I have to give God this kind of recognition in public? Why not be happy about it but let others go their way without having to be bothered by my opinion? Because... everything He offers to me, He offers to you... and if I can mess up my life royally and still He will accept me, then nothing you can do can keep Him from doing the same for you... and what kind of person would I be if I didn't wish that for everyone reading this?
So here I find myself as I write this, inside the cocoon in the second verse, shedding my skin... because I'm ready to! It's about time that I made the most of this life. I find myself on the verge of that first breath, scared out of my mind, not knowing what's going to happen, hardly daring to trust myself, but knowing I can trust God to make something of my life.
This is my prayer, that I would come alive somehow, and that anyone who reads this and is willing would as well.
I lie here paralytic inside this soul
Screaming for You till my throat is numb
I wanna break out, I need a way out
I don't believe that it's gotta be this way
The worst is the waiting, in this womb I'm suffocating
Feel Your presence filling up my lungs with oxygen, I take You in, I've died...
Rebirthing now, I wanna live for love, wanna live for You and me
Breathe for the first time now, I come alive somehow
Rebirthing now, I wanna live my life, wanna give You everything
Breathe for the first time now, I come alive somehow
Right now, right now
I lie here lifeless in this cocoon
Shedding my skin cause I'm ready to
I wanna break out, I found a way out
I don't believe that it's gotta be this way
The worst is the waiting, in this womb I'm suffocating
Feel Your presence filling up my lungs with oxygen, I take You in, I've died...
Rebirthing now, I wanna live for love, wanna live for You and me
Breathe for the first time now, I come alive somehow
Rebirthing now, I wanna live my life, wanna give You everything
Breathe for the first time now, I come alive somehow
Tell me when I'm gonna live again
Tell me when I'm gonna breathe You in
Tell me when I'm gonna feel inside
Tell me when I'm gonna feel alive
Tell me when I'm gonna live again
Tell me when this fear will end
Tell me when I'm gonna feel inside
Tell me when I'll feel alive
Rebirthing now, I wanna live for love, wanna live for You and me
Breathe for the first time, I come alive somehow
Rebirthing now, I wanna live my life, wanna give You everything
Breathe for the first time now, I come alive somehow
Right now, I come alive somehow
Right now, I come alive somehow
For some reason, many of Skillet's songs have always spoken into my life, and my walk with God. I'm not writing this note to say that I'm so great and I have everything figured out... quite the opposite. There have been quite a few times when I've made a mess out of things, and other times when circumstances have done the job quite nicely for me... if I've learned anything from all of it, it's that only God can fix the mess I make of my life.
That's where I'm at right now... finding myself desperately longing for that closeness with God that I have known, and that I know is the only thing that will make sense of my life. He's been getting my attention in many and various ways over the past while, sometimes I've caught on, and sometimes I haven't. Anyway, now that He's got my attention, I know that I have to do something about it.
For me, the last couple months have been like the first verse... knowing something is wrong, yet unable to move, unable to do anything about it, yet screaming out to God for help. No matter what I've tried to feel better, without including God in the picture it would just feel stifling, as though whatever made me myself was suffocating.
However, every time I felt too far gone, as though all of my air was gone, He would breathe some of His life into me once again... and I would take Him in...
I've known the feeling of being unable to breathe before, having had several asthma attacks when I was younger, the last being at the age of 9. Trust me, when you literally can't breathe, and it feels like you will never be able to breathe again, absolutely nothing in the world is more important to you at that moment than fighting for that next breath. All of your effort is spent in that pursuit. You aren't thinking about girls, games, what you're going to eat for dinner... nothing can exist in your mind besides that all-important next breath.
That's the process I've been going through in relation to God. Slowly coming to the realization that absolutely nothing else matters if I can't have Him in my life. I will, and I must, fight for that next breath. I will spend my effort pursuing Him... and yet I know that all this time He's been pursuing me.
That's the beauty of God's love... He pursues us when we couldn't care less, He rescues us when we have no way of saving ourselves, our relationship with Him is just as all-important to Him as it should be to us. I can't force anyone to think any given way, but I must tell you that I have more faith in God than I do in myself... and He believes in me more than I do myself. In Him I can have hope, peace and joy in situations that seem hopeless and stressful and chaotic. Why, you may ask, do I have to give God this kind of recognition in public? Why not be happy about it but let others go their way without having to be bothered by my opinion? Because... everything He offers to me, He offers to you... and if I can mess up my life royally and still He will accept me, then nothing you can do can keep Him from doing the same for you... and what kind of person would I be if I didn't wish that for everyone reading this?
So here I find myself as I write this, inside the cocoon in the second verse, shedding my skin... because I'm ready to! It's about time that I made the most of this life. I find myself on the verge of that first breath, scared out of my mind, not knowing what's going to happen, hardly daring to trust myself, but knowing I can trust God to make something of my life.
This is my prayer, that I would come alive somehow, and that anyone who reads this and is willing would as well.
Saturday, September 19, 2009
Sneaky Underhanded Dealings...
I had to leave a Facebook group today. Why? Because someone decided that rather than create another Facebook group with the opposite message, they would simply change the name, objective and viewpoint of the group to its opposite without telling anyone.
The previous name was "I support Bill C-484"... suddenly, the new name is "We oppose Bill C-484"... what? I wonder how many of the now 364 members actually agree with the purpose of the group now.
In case you're wondering why the change is so drastic, Bill C-484 was a bill that did not pass, but supported the rights of fetuses and their mothers in the following way: If a violent crime was committed against a pregnant woman, it would be considered a seperate offense if her fetus was killed or injured during the crime against their mother.
I understand that different people believe different things... and they have the privilege of creating a seperate group to support their stance. But to underhandedly get members for their group from people who specifically DO NOT believe the same way is devious and provides a slanted and untrue picture of the will of the masses.
Not only this, but the group is highly militant in its new stand, speaking of "anti-choice" MPs, and letting them know you won't have them "imposing their religious beliefs" in government... it sounds like someone is anti-choice... the choice to let children live. If only one choice is argued, if only one choice is allowed, if only one choice can be heard, how is there a choice?
You may say that I am anti-choice... that's fine. I am against a lot of choices. There's a good reason for that. When you know the truth, the wrong answer doesn't make sense as a choice. Have you ever taken a multiple choice test? How many of the choices for each question were right? Only one. That meant if you didn't know which one was right, all of them could have an equal chance of being right, but once you knew which one was right, choosing any of the others wouldn't make any sense. By the way, if you remove the correct answer from the test and don't let anyone pick it, it doesn't suddenly make it incorrect, or make any of the other answers correct.
Let me give you examples of "anti-choice", if you will. I am against having the choice to kick you in the face or not... I am against having the choice to steal your TV... I am against having the choice to vandalize your property... I am against having the choice to sleep with your wife... I am against having the choice to kill you, your parents, or your children...
I know as soon as I say the words "pro-life", I'll probably have a bunch of angry comments because somehow, wanting children to live makes me the bad guy. Somehow, having an idea that truth is not relative makes me dangerous. Well, truth is a dangerous thing, if your worldview is based on lies. You can't hear it, because it would undermine everything you've worked so hard to believe. If you heard it, and understood it, you might have to... *gulp*... change.
Everyone wants to feel like they're OK. Guess what? When I base my life on a lie, I'm not OK. When I ignore the truth for the sake of my comfort, I'm not OK. When I lash out at those who tell me the truth instead of taking it to heart and considering it, I'm not OK. I have made the choice to do everything in my power not to lie to myself... or to anyone else.
One day, our culture may do its best to completely cover up the truth. Laws may be made claiming that lies are good, and that truth is bad. Every concept we know may be turned on its head, black may be called white, up may be called down, but this doesn't change what is.
If the truth is dangerous, then I don't want to be safe and comfortable. Say what you will about the truth, and say what you will about me, but I will choose to be firmly on the side of truth. Matthew 5:11-12 says:
Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.
So say what you will. I will continue to speak up for the babies who as yet have no voices. Open your ears to their cries for help. Stop calling abortion a choice, and then shutting down all other possible choices. That's not a choice, that's brainwashing. For goodness' sake, people, I have two uncles and a good friend who were adopted. Please consider that option. They are great people, and have contributed much to this world.
They did say one thing on that group that I agree with though. And that was to speak up about your abortion experience if you've had one. Be open and invite others to do the same. What they don't tell you, and I will, is be honest. If you suffered emotional trauma as a result of it, or feel guilt, people need to know that side of it too. How could your experience change someone else's life for the better if you only speak up?
I must also add that I DO NOT hate those who have had abortions. I feel sorrow for their unborn children, and for the pain those mothers will often endure as a result, pain that noone told them they would face. So yes, be open about it. I do not say this from a position of judgement or hate, but of love and concern. Be open and honest with yourself and others, and whether you are considering an abortion, have had one, or are merely concerned about the issue, find out ALL of the facts. Don't blind yourself to the truth simply because of the wealth of information out there from the ones who are most vocal.
May you truly be blessed.
The previous name was "I support Bill C-484"... suddenly, the new name is "We oppose Bill C-484"... what? I wonder how many of the now 364 members actually agree with the purpose of the group now.
In case you're wondering why the change is so drastic, Bill C-484 was a bill that did not pass, but supported the rights of fetuses and their mothers in the following way: If a violent crime was committed against a pregnant woman, it would be considered a seperate offense if her fetus was killed or injured during the crime against their mother.
I understand that different people believe different things... and they have the privilege of creating a seperate group to support their stance. But to underhandedly get members for their group from people who specifically DO NOT believe the same way is devious and provides a slanted and untrue picture of the will of the masses.
Not only this, but the group is highly militant in its new stand, speaking of "anti-choice" MPs, and letting them know you won't have them "imposing their religious beliefs" in government... it sounds like someone is anti-choice... the choice to let children live. If only one choice is argued, if only one choice is allowed, if only one choice can be heard, how is there a choice?
You may say that I am anti-choice... that's fine. I am against a lot of choices. There's a good reason for that. When you know the truth, the wrong answer doesn't make sense as a choice. Have you ever taken a multiple choice test? How many of the choices for each question were right? Only one. That meant if you didn't know which one was right, all of them could have an equal chance of being right, but once you knew which one was right, choosing any of the others wouldn't make any sense. By the way, if you remove the correct answer from the test and don't let anyone pick it, it doesn't suddenly make it incorrect, or make any of the other answers correct.
Let me give you examples of "anti-choice", if you will. I am against having the choice to kick you in the face or not... I am against having the choice to steal your TV... I am against having the choice to vandalize your property... I am against having the choice to sleep with your wife... I am against having the choice to kill you, your parents, or your children...
I know as soon as I say the words "pro-life", I'll probably have a bunch of angry comments because somehow, wanting children to live makes me the bad guy. Somehow, having an idea that truth is not relative makes me dangerous. Well, truth is a dangerous thing, if your worldview is based on lies. You can't hear it, because it would undermine everything you've worked so hard to believe. If you heard it, and understood it, you might have to... *gulp*... change.
Everyone wants to feel like they're OK. Guess what? When I base my life on a lie, I'm not OK. When I ignore the truth for the sake of my comfort, I'm not OK. When I lash out at those who tell me the truth instead of taking it to heart and considering it, I'm not OK. I have made the choice to do everything in my power not to lie to myself... or to anyone else.
One day, our culture may do its best to completely cover up the truth. Laws may be made claiming that lies are good, and that truth is bad. Every concept we know may be turned on its head, black may be called white, up may be called down, but this doesn't change what is.
If the truth is dangerous, then I don't want to be safe and comfortable. Say what you will about the truth, and say what you will about me, but I will choose to be firmly on the side of truth. Matthew 5:11-12 says:
Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.
So say what you will. I will continue to speak up for the babies who as yet have no voices. Open your ears to their cries for help. Stop calling abortion a choice, and then shutting down all other possible choices. That's not a choice, that's brainwashing. For goodness' sake, people, I have two uncles and a good friend who were adopted. Please consider that option. They are great people, and have contributed much to this world.
They did say one thing on that group that I agree with though. And that was to speak up about your abortion experience if you've had one. Be open and invite others to do the same. What they don't tell you, and I will, is be honest. If you suffered emotional trauma as a result of it, or feel guilt, people need to know that side of it too. How could your experience change someone else's life for the better if you only speak up?
I must also add that I DO NOT hate those who have had abortions. I feel sorrow for their unborn children, and for the pain those mothers will often endure as a result, pain that noone told them they would face. So yes, be open about it. I do not say this from a position of judgement or hate, but of love and concern. Be open and honest with yourself and others, and whether you are considering an abortion, have had one, or are merely concerned about the issue, find out ALL of the facts. Don't blind yourself to the truth simply because of the wealth of information out there from the ones who are most vocal.
May you truly be blessed.
Monday, August 31, 2009
Portrait of Love - original short story idea
Here's another one... this one I already wrote out, and Liz has read it... hope others can enjoy it as well.
Waking up from his slumber, Tellarn stretched carefully so as not to wake his mate as well. Lyssa looked so beautiful sleeping there that it fairly took his breath away. Lying in peace, the cares of the years had melted from her face, and it looked exactly as it had on the day they were wed.
Taking a moment to simply drink in her presence, Tellarn slowly swung his feet off the bed and gingerly set them on the floor. Finding his balance, he stood up and walked to the window. Opening the shutters, he let the sunlight stream in, nearly blinding him at first. Slowly, as his eyes adjusted, he began to see the surrounding countryside outside their modest home.
The young men were already up, walking to the fields, and the young women were spinning cloth and preparing the day's meals, filling the village with the sounds and smells of a productive day.
Once that would have been him walking to the fields, and Lyssa waiting for him to return, but those days were long past. Now the years had caught up with the two of them, Tellarn found it was so much easier to simply stay in bed through the mornings.
Tellarn turned back toward his wife again, remembering the many things that had brought them to this day. The good memories, and the not so good ones, had cemented their relationship and now they were inseperable.
Walking back to the bed, Tellarn felt a twinge in his back and winced. His frail body would not work the same way it used to anymore, but his mind was still as sharp as ever.
All the memories of the past flooded back to him as he bent over Lyssa, and he saw not the thin, wrinkled, white-haired old woman before him, but the raven locks and rosy cheeks of her youth. Bending down, he placed a tender kiss on her perfect lips, startling her awake.
Lifting her hand with his, Tellarn bowed awkwardly before his bride of many years. "Come my love, let us greet the day together," he said, drawing her to her feet, and together they traversed the familiar steps from bedside to window, hand in hand and heart in heart, as they had always done.
Waking up from his slumber, Tellarn stretched carefully so as not to wake his mate as well. Lyssa looked so beautiful sleeping there that it fairly took his breath away. Lying in peace, the cares of the years had melted from her face, and it looked exactly as it had on the day they were wed.
Taking a moment to simply drink in her presence, Tellarn slowly swung his feet off the bed and gingerly set them on the floor. Finding his balance, he stood up and walked to the window. Opening the shutters, he let the sunlight stream in, nearly blinding him at first. Slowly, as his eyes adjusted, he began to see the surrounding countryside outside their modest home.
The young men were already up, walking to the fields, and the young women were spinning cloth and preparing the day's meals, filling the village with the sounds and smells of a productive day.
Once that would have been him walking to the fields, and Lyssa waiting for him to return, but those days were long past. Now the years had caught up with the two of them, Tellarn found it was so much easier to simply stay in bed through the mornings.
Tellarn turned back toward his wife again, remembering the many things that had brought them to this day. The good memories, and the not so good ones, had cemented their relationship and now they were inseperable.
Walking back to the bed, Tellarn felt a twinge in his back and winced. His frail body would not work the same way it used to anymore, but his mind was still as sharp as ever.
All the memories of the past flooded back to him as he bent over Lyssa, and he saw not the thin, wrinkled, white-haired old woman before him, but the raven locks and rosy cheeks of her youth. Bending down, he placed a tender kiss on her perfect lips, startling her awake.
Lifting her hand with his, Tellarn bowed awkwardly before his bride of many years. "Come my love, let us greet the day together," he said, drawing her to her feet, and together they traversed the familiar steps from bedside to window, hand in hand and heart in heart, as they had always done.
Sunday, August 30, 2009
End of the Day - an original short story
Ted had a sneaking suspicion that he wasn't alone in the room, but he couldn't see a thing in the utter darkness. He had just finished a particularly grueling shift at the plant, and coming home to rest was all he had on his mind. He and Amy had been in the middle of an argument when he left, and it had grated on him all day. He had no idea how to make her see his point, and for the life of him he couldn't understand where she was coming from.
Their conflict had put a negative spin on everything that had happened that day, from the morning commute to his boss's requests, to his having to work late and miss dinner. Now he was doing his best to enter the house quietly so as not to wake Amy, tired as he was Ted didn't think he could stand any more arguing.
When he first left for work, his mind had been busy constructing ways to convince Amy of his rightness, but now he felt that it didn't matter who was right or not. All he wanted was to find solace in her arms. He didn't know if she would forgive him, if she would even want to talk to him, or if she would continue the argument where they left off.
Finding the kitchen light switch, Ted gently turned the dimmer to see Amy sleeping in one of the chairs, her head resting on the table, her hair flowing over one arm onto a note she must have written. She had such a peaceful smile on her face that Ted didn't want to disturb her. Sneaking the note out from under her arm, he began to read:
Their conflict had put a negative spin on everything that had happened that day, from the morning commute to his boss's requests, to his having to work late and miss dinner. Now he was doing his best to enter the house quietly so as not to wake Amy, tired as he was Ted didn't think he could stand any more arguing.
When he first left for work, his mind had been busy constructing ways to convince Amy of his rightness, but now he felt that it didn't matter who was right or not. All he wanted was to find solace in her arms. He didn't know if she would forgive him, if she would even want to talk to him, or if she would continue the argument where they left off.
Finding the kitchen light switch, Ted gently turned the dimmer to see Amy sleeping in one of the chairs, her head resting on the table, her hair flowing over one arm onto a note she must have written. She had such a peaceful smile on her face that Ted didn't want to disturb her. Sneaking the note out from under her arm, he began to read:
My dear Ted, I wanted to stay up and see you, but it's getting late. I think I'm going to fall asleep pretty soon, but I want you to know this tonight - I love you. We may have our differences, but nothing can end my love for you. Thinking of your smile always cheers me up, and hearing your voice sweeps away my cares. I know we'll work through this, the way we've worked through things in the past, and we'll be stronger for it. Good night my love, never forget how much I love you! - Amy
Setting the note back on the table, Ted felt his chest heave as silent sobs shook him. All this time he had been worried, and she had only been concerned for him! The cares of the day were replaced with relief, and love swelled within him for this wonderful woman.
Ted lifted Amy's head to give her a kiss, and he saw the lines of tears tracing her cheeks. Suddenly tears began to flow from his eyes as well. Taking Amy in his arms, Ted wiped the tear tracks from her face, and suddenly he felt her stir slightly and murmur his name.
Kissing her lightly, he whispered, "Amy, my love, I'm here. You must be so tired, let's head to bed. I love you." A moment went by, and he thought of one more thing that needed to be said, "I'm sorry."
They stood together, and Ted steadied Amy as he guided her out of the kitchen, her head resting on his shoulder. As they lay down in bed and his wife snuggled closer, Ted knew there was nowhere else he'd rather be, and nothing else he would rather do, than be there in that moment with Amy.
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Maybe I Should Start Blogging Again...
Hello... after almost 4 years, another post... I guess I'm nothing if not methodical... but most of all, I'm nothing if I'm not in God's hands.
Truth. The whole purpose of creating this blog, years ago, and the reason behind all that has transpired over the last four years, is the search for truth.
I have slowly, and sometimes painfully, been discovering the truth, bit by bit, over the last few years. The truth about myself has been the most painful at times... but I would not have myself living a comfortable lie.
Today's post will be all about truth. Some would say that truth does not exist... but are they sure that's true? Ah, the conundrum. That is self-defeating logic at its finest... and yet people choose to rest on those rotting laurels as if they're victorious... "what's true for you may not be true for me" they say... and while I like ketchup, they may not... but the truth is still, even to them, that I like ketchup. So while opinions may differ, truth is still truth... and yes, it is possible to know that truth... and, as I've discovered in my own life... "the truth shall set you free."
My thoughts are circling around and around right now, but at the moment they rest on what I'll call self-truth... being honest with yourself... admitting the truth about yourself, to yourself. Here in North America, we are experts at fooling ourself. We choose to believe blatant lies rather than seek the truth, simply because it's more convenient, comfortable, or popular. I'll look at those three rationalizations in a moment, but first I want to address the fact that we ARE fooling ourselves. What is the point of doing so? What of value does it gain us? Are we "gaining the whole world and yet losing our soul"? And if we don't want to be taken in by others, why would we let ourselves get away with bamboozling us? Don't we want to improve? Don't we want freedom? Don't we want an actual life, rather than the unreasonable facsimile we provide ourselves with? Now back to the rationalizations:
1. Convenience: Since when has anything worthwhile been convenient? The struggle is important, it tells us that what we're working toward is important, because it cost us something.
2. Comfort: Our comfort in the moment seems to be all-encompassing... but if we slept everyday, never going in to work, just because it was comfortable, sooner or later we'd have to realize the truth that not going in to the job means no job, which means no pay... which means no bed to sleep in. Not very comfortable in the end.
3. Popularity: BOOOO! What child hasn't heard his or her mother ask, "If all your friends were jumping off a cliff, would you do it too?" I'm not talking base jumping here either.
It's easy to point at our society and say, "Ah, but it's not my fault! Our society values these three things, often above all else. I'm merely a product of my environment." You know what? I hate that about our society, although there are some advantages to it... and I do like being catered to... being comfortable... being popular... but so many lies are pumped out at us based on those things that it makes me sick. Our culture says things like, "Everyone's beautiful... as long as they buy our new beauty product!" or, "Wear our body spray, and everyone will be attracted to you." or, "This new truck will give you self-confidence." What a load of bull! But I won't get into ranting about our society any further at the moment... right now I'm still talking about self-truth.
It would be easy to blame our society... but we are the ones who let ourselves be deceived. We choose to shut off our minds, remove our brains, and simply believe the information we are fed without testing to see if it's in fact true. Why do we reject the hard questions? Because we fear the answers we may get... especially about ourselves. Well, since I know that God loves me, and I've been discovering how deep and abiding that love is, I've been learning that "perfect love drives out all fear". That includes, slowly but surely, the fear of finding out uncomfortable truth about myself...
The truth about me is... I need improvement. We all do, and anyone who says, "I'm fine where I am" is lying to themself. I know that as I have been seeking God, He has been bringing about changes in me that I could have hardly hoped for, and I certainly wouldn't have changed if I couldn't admit that I was wrong. That's why He started by helping me learn how to admit when I'm wrong. I used to act as though I was always right... since I've been learning to admit when I'm wrong... and be honest with myself, and about my faults, and learn from God how to improve... I've had my best friend tell me that I'm always right... as a compliment. Now knowing what I know about myself, I can only give glory to God for that... you see, I'm being honest with myself.
I don't have the time or space here to get into all the awesome ramifications of living a life of personal honesty (a better term, I've decided, for self-truth). Let me just say that no matter how complex life gets, it's always simpler when you're always honest. You don't ever have to remember which lie you told to who, who thinks what about you that you need to keep up pretenses about, that sort of thing. And the obvious place to start practicing honesty is with yourself. When you practice honesty, you also desire it, and it only makes sense to tell yourself the truth. It might be hard, but you're doing it for your own good.
Let me wrap up this post with a lot left to say... I don't know where to begin, or even if I will on this blog... but let me leave you with a challenge to be honest. Let your word be your word, even and especially to yourself, be honest with God, others, and yourself. You know that you deserve the truth... so why not give it to yourself? Why not challenge your preconceptions and the things you've always assumed... and if they are true, they can hold up to that kind of test, but if not... let the lies fall by the wayside.
My prayer for anyone who reads this is that they would truly live life... and that they would live life truly.
Andrew
Truth. The whole purpose of creating this blog, years ago, and the reason behind all that has transpired over the last four years, is the search for truth.
I have slowly, and sometimes painfully, been discovering the truth, bit by bit, over the last few years. The truth about myself has been the most painful at times... but I would not have myself living a comfortable lie.
Today's post will be all about truth. Some would say that truth does not exist... but are they sure that's true? Ah, the conundrum. That is self-defeating logic at its finest... and yet people choose to rest on those rotting laurels as if they're victorious... "what's true for you may not be true for me" they say... and while I like ketchup, they may not... but the truth is still, even to them, that I like ketchup. So while opinions may differ, truth is still truth... and yes, it is possible to know that truth... and, as I've discovered in my own life... "the truth shall set you free."
My thoughts are circling around and around right now, but at the moment they rest on what I'll call self-truth... being honest with yourself... admitting the truth about yourself, to yourself. Here in North America, we are experts at fooling ourself. We choose to believe blatant lies rather than seek the truth, simply because it's more convenient, comfortable, or popular. I'll look at those three rationalizations in a moment, but first I want to address the fact that we ARE fooling ourselves. What is the point of doing so? What of value does it gain us? Are we "gaining the whole world and yet losing our soul"? And if we don't want to be taken in by others, why would we let ourselves get away with bamboozling us? Don't we want to improve? Don't we want freedom? Don't we want an actual life, rather than the unreasonable facsimile we provide ourselves with? Now back to the rationalizations:
1. Convenience: Since when has anything worthwhile been convenient? The struggle is important, it tells us that what we're working toward is important, because it cost us something.
2. Comfort: Our comfort in the moment seems to be all-encompassing... but if we slept everyday, never going in to work, just because it was comfortable, sooner or later we'd have to realize the truth that not going in to the job means no job, which means no pay... which means no bed to sleep in. Not very comfortable in the end.
3. Popularity: BOOOO! What child hasn't heard his or her mother ask, "If all your friends were jumping off a cliff, would you do it too?" I'm not talking base jumping here either.
It's easy to point at our society and say, "Ah, but it's not my fault! Our society values these three things, often above all else. I'm merely a product of my environment." You know what? I hate that about our society, although there are some advantages to it... and I do like being catered to... being comfortable... being popular... but so many lies are pumped out at us based on those things that it makes me sick. Our culture says things like, "Everyone's beautiful... as long as they buy our new beauty product!" or, "Wear our body spray, and everyone will be attracted to you." or, "This new truck will give you self-confidence." What a load of bull! But I won't get into ranting about our society any further at the moment... right now I'm still talking about self-truth.
It would be easy to blame our society... but we are the ones who let ourselves be deceived. We choose to shut off our minds, remove our brains, and simply believe the information we are fed without testing to see if it's in fact true. Why do we reject the hard questions? Because we fear the answers we may get... especially about ourselves. Well, since I know that God loves me, and I've been discovering how deep and abiding that love is, I've been learning that "perfect love drives out all fear". That includes, slowly but surely, the fear of finding out uncomfortable truth about myself...
The truth about me is... I need improvement. We all do, and anyone who says, "I'm fine where I am" is lying to themself. I know that as I have been seeking God, He has been bringing about changes in me that I could have hardly hoped for, and I certainly wouldn't have changed if I couldn't admit that I was wrong. That's why He started by helping me learn how to admit when I'm wrong. I used to act as though I was always right... since I've been learning to admit when I'm wrong... and be honest with myself, and about my faults, and learn from God how to improve... I've had my best friend tell me that I'm always right... as a compliment. Now knowing what I know about myself, I can only give glory to God for that... you see, I'm being honest with myself.
I don't have the time or space here to get into all the awesome ramifications of living a life of personal honesty (a better term, I've decided, for self-truth). Let me just say that no matter how complex life gets, it's always simpler when you're always honest. You don't ever have to remember which lie you told to who, who thinks what about you that you need to keep up pretenses about, that sort of thing. And the obvious place to start practicing honesty is with yourself. When you practice honesty, you also desire it, and it only makes sense to tell yourself the truth. It might be hard, but you're doing it for your own good.
Let me wrap up this post with a lot left to say... I don't know where to begin, or even if I will on this blog... but let me leave you with a challenge to be honest. Let your word be your word, even and especially to yourself, be honest with God, others, and yourself. You know that you deserve the truth... so why not give it to yourself? Why not challenge your preconceptions and the things you've always assumed... and if they are true, they can hold up to that kind of test, but if not... let the lies fall by the wayside.
My prayer for anyone who reads this is that they would truly live life... and that they would live life truly.
Andrew
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