Let me preface this by saying that all lyrics here are as written by the band Skillet, not by me... so if you like them, go buy their CDs... this song is on the CD 'Comatose' if you're wondering which one to buy first. You can also watch the video for this song at their website... www.skillet.com
I lie here paralytic inside this soul
Screaming for You till my throat is numb
I wanna break out, I need a way out
I don't believe that it's gotta be this way
The worst is the waiting, in this womb I'm suffocating
Feel Your presence filling up my lungs with oxygen, I take You in, I've died...
Rebirthing now, I wanna live for love, wanna live for You and me
Breathe for the first time now, I come alive somehow
Rebirthing now, I wanna live my life, wanna give You everything
Breathe for the first time now, I come alive somehow
Right now, right now
I lie here lifeless in this cocoon
Shedding my skin cause I'm ready to
I wanna break out, I found a way out
I don't believe that it's gotta be this way
The worst is the waiting, in this womb I'm suffocating
Feel Your presence filling up my lungs with oxygen, I take You in, I've died...
Rebirthing now, I wanna live for love, wanna live for You and me
Breathe for the first time now, I come alive somehow
Rebirthing now, I wanna live my life, wanna give You everything
Breathe for the first time now, I come alive somehow
Tell me when I'm gonna live again
Tell me when I'm gonna breathe You in
Tell me when I'm gonna feel inside
Tell me when I'm gonna feel alive
Tell me when I'm gonna live again
Tell me when this fear will end
Tell me when I'm gonna feel inside
Tell me when I'll feel alive
Rebirthing now, I wanna live for love, wanna live for You and me
Breathe for the first time, I come alive somehow
Rebirthing now, I wanna live my life, wanna give You everything
Breathe for the first time now, I come alive somehow
Right now, I come alive somehow
Right now, I come alive somehow
For some reason, many of Skillet's songs have always spoken into my life, and my walk with God. I'm not writing this note to say that I'm so great and I have everything figured out... quite the opposite. There have been quite a few times when I've made a mess out of things, and other times when circumstances have done the job quite nicely for me... if I've learned anything from all of it, it's that only God can fix the mess I make of my life.
That's where I'm at right now... finding myself desperately longing for that closeness with God that I have known, and that I know is the only thing that will make sense of my life. He's been getting my attention in many and various ways over the past while, sometimes I've caught on, and sometimes I haven't. Anyway, now that He's got my attention, I know that I have to do something about it.
For me, the last couple months have been like the first verse... knowing something is wrong, yet unable to move, unable to do anything about it, yet screaming out to God for help. No matter what I've tried to feel better, without including God in the picture it would just feel stifling, as though whatever made me myself was suffocating.
However, every time I felt too far gone, as though all of my air was gone, He would breathe some of His life into me once again... and I would take Him in...
I've known the feeling of being unable to breathe before, having had several asthma attacks when I was younger, the last being at the age of 9. Trust me, when you literally can't breathe, and it feels like you will never be able to breathe again, absolutely nothing in the world is more important to you at that moment than fighting for that next breath. All of your effort is spent in that pursuit. You aren't thinking about girls, games, what you're going to eat for dinner... nothing can exist in your mind besides that all-important next breath.
That's the process I've been going through in relation to God. Slowly coming to the realization that absolutely nothing else matters if I can't have Him in my life. I will, and I must, fight for that next breath. I will spend my effort pursuing Him... and yet I know that all this time He's been pursuing me.
That's the beauty of God's love... He pursues us when we couldn't care less, He rescues us when we have no way of saving ourselves, our relationship with Him is just as all-important to Him as it should be to us. I can't force anyone to think any given way, but I must tell you that I have more faith in God than I do in myself... and He believes in me more than I do myself. In Him I can have hope, peace and joy in situations that seem hopeless and stressful and chaotic. Why, you may ask, do I have to give God this kind of recognition in public? Why not be happy about it but let others go their way without having to be bothered by my opinion? Because... everything He offers to me, He offers to you... and if I can mess up my life royally and still He will accept me, then nothing you can do can keep Him from doing the same for you... and what kind of person would I be if I didn't wish that for everyone reading this?
So here I find myself as I write this, inside the cocoon in the second verse, shedding my skin... because I'm ready to! It's about time that I made the most of this life. I find myself on the verge of that first breath, scared out of my mind, not knowing what's going to happen, hardly daring to trust myself, but knowing I can trust God to make something of my life.
This is my prayer, that I would come alive somehow, and that anyone who reads this and is willing would as well.
